Euletidde Eve, 9:08 PM.
Out of sandpaper.
Stores closed.
Disaster looms.
goddamn fungibles!
Unexpected DNA Corroboration of a Doc Savage Adventure!!
Okay, the exclamations points are unnecessary,but they really felt needed. As a poet, I feel free to (ab)use language to suit myself. After all ,it worked for the hot-sheets*.
In the Secret of the Su , an adventure I have tentatively dated as occurring in April 1942, Clark Savage and his gang of Merry Men encounter a remnant of the long-lost Mayan civilization...living in the Everglades.
They speak a language which Doc can partially understand and identifys as 'Yucatan Basic...pre-Mayan.'.
Of course, this is complicated by the fact that Doc himself speaks two forms of 'Mayan': a formal version used by the priesthood of the Lost Valley, and a common version. While the Lost Valley language is usually referred to as 'Mayan' (ignoring the 'Incan' from 'Incan in Gray') , we have to be mindful that these labels were assigned nearly a century ago, and may not accurately conform to the real tongues spoke by the Mayans or the 'pre-Mayan Yucatan people'.
So where am I going with this?
Well, the report of Purepecha DNA found in Georgia / North Carolina!
The Purepacha were one the of the major pre-Columbian civilizations of Mesoamerica, a high-technology people with copper smelting and stepped pyramids. Their language Tarascan is spoken today by about a quarter-million people (according to Wikipedia) and is part of the Chibchan family of languages...and yes, the Chibchan languages seem to have pre-dated the Mayan.
Of course, there is a lot of 'Mayan' variants, which makes the 'High 'and "Low" versions spoken by Doc difficult to pin down without any examples. If we could just identify Hidalgo...
Now to add to the fun, its been argued for a while that the rock terraces found at Brasstown Bald in Georgia is the ruins of the fabled city of Yupaha. People are willing to argue that the ruins date from around 1000 AD, which would put them at the end of the Mayan civilizations peak. Problem is, nothing has been dug up that looks definitively Mayan; or for that matter, Purepacha.
But its hard to argue with the DNA.
The deportation/genocide that befell the Creek Confederation could certainly have provided the impetus for Purepacha descendants to flee deep into the 'impassable' Everglades. Their home is described as being dug into a natural coral mound, within hiking distance of the town of Everglades.
Everglades (now 'Everglades City') is on the coast, up against the edge of the Big Cypress National Preserve, and the Everglades National Park. Its billed as the tourist entrance to the Ten Thousand Islands. Population of 479 people in 2010, and the jungle is still tangled and secluded enough to be a major drug smuggling hub through the 1970's and 1980's.
Secluded enough that the Su may still live in their tunneled homes, keeping themselves hidden away from the Global Village.
*Weekly World News. Thank you, MiB.
In the Secret of the Su , an adventure I have tentatively dated as occurring in April 1942, Clark Savage and his gang of Merry Men encounter a remnant of the long-lost Mayan civilization...living in the Everglades.
They speak a language which Doc can partially understand and identifys as 'Yucatan Basic...pre-Mayan.'.
Of course, this is complicated by the fact that Doc himself speaks two forms of 'Mayan': a formal version used by the priesthood of the Lost Valley, and a common version. While the Lost Valley language is usually referred to as 'Mayan' (ignoring the 'Incan' from 'Incan in Gray') , we have to be mindful that these labels were assigned nearly a century ago, and may not accurately conform to the real tongues spoke by the Mayans or the 'pre-Mayan Yucatan people'.
So where am I going with this?
Well, the report of Purepecha DNA found in Georgia / North Carolina!
The Purepacha were one the of the major pre-Columbian civilizations of Mesoamerica, a high-technology people with copper smelting and stepped pyramids. Their language Tarascan is spoken today by about a quarter-million people (according to Wikipedia) and is part of the Chibchan family of languages...and yes, the Chibchan languages seem to have pre-dated the Mayan.
Of course, there is a lot of 'Mayan' variants, which makes the 'High 'and "Low" versions spoken by Doc difficult to pin down without any examples. If we could just identify Hidalgo...
Now to add to the fun, its been argued for a while that the rock terraces found at Brasstown Bald in Georgia is the ruins of the fabled city of Yupaha. People are willing to argue that the ruins date from around 1000 AD, which would put them at the end of the Mayan civilizations peak. Problem is, nothing has been dug up that looks definitively Mayan; or for that matter, Purepacha.
But its hard to argue with the DNA.
The deportation/genocide that befell the Creek Confederation could certainly have provided the impetus for Purepacha descendants to flee deep into the 'impassable' Everglades. Their home is described as being dug into a natural coral mound, within hiking distance of the town of Everglades.
Everglades (now 'Everglades City') is on the coast, up against the edge of the Big Cypress National Preserve, and the Everglades National Park. Its billed as the tourist entrance to the Ten Thousand Islands. Population of 479 people in 2010, and the jungle is still tangled and secluded enough to be a major drug smuggling hub through the 1970's and 1980's.
Secluded enough that the Su may still live in their tunneled homes, keeping themselves hidden away from the Global Village.
*Weekly World News. Thank you, MiB.
"...but their dead bodies had told their secrets in dreams to the first men..."
"...It is in the interest of the mortal to keep secrets, but it is not in the interest of the secrets to be kept." ---Kevin Dunn
Humanity Baffled Axiom #2
Protasis: Two billion kilograms* of insecticide are used globally; spread universally but largely across croplands, much of which are fertilized by bees ( a beneficial insect). Many of the compounds used do not readily break down, allowing the background quantity to accumulate.
Apodosis:Bees are suffering a mysterious decline, known as 'Colony collapse disorder'; no obvious reason can be found.
Humanity Baffled.
Apodosis:Bees are suffering a mysterious decline, known as 'Colony collapse disorder'; no obvious reason can be found.
Humanity Baffled.
*Wen Jun Zhang, et al (2011) argue that this is 4.6 billion kg.
Donaldson D., et al(1999) "Report No. EPA-733-R-02-OOI"** argue 5.6 billion kg. It seems difficult to get a good figure: data sets prefer to discuss dollar value. This author is aware that this is comparing apples to lobsters; that different insecticides have different toxicities, and hence a 'tonnage' figure is largely meaningless for any purpose beyond a sence of scale.
**No longer seems to be available.
"The Clone Chamber is heating up!"
I just watched 'Scavengers'.
Its junk.
Bad guys named things like 'Jekyll' and 'Black Divert'.
Laser beams that turn into solid rods. Wildly inappropriate emotional reactions to situations; actors acting according to very divergent ideas of the movies tenor and scope. The movie ends on a down note, and without any resolution. message to directors: read your goddamn scripts carefully: if you are too goddamn high or stupid to notice things like a character using the word 'interesting' five goddamn times in twenty goddamn lines, get a high schooler read it for you.
I have never listened to a script that used the term 'protocol' as many times as this film. They should have called this movie 'Protocol'.
"...We have achieved targeting protocol...'
( 'Scavenge' and 'Scavenger' run close seconds.)
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Louise Linton is pleasant on the eyes, but she is just not enough icing to make this cake edible.
Its junk.
Bad guys named things like 'Jekyll' and 'Black Divert'.
Laser beams that turn into solid rods. Wildly inappropriate emotional reactions to situations; actors acting according to very divergent ideas of the movies tenor and scope. The movie ends on a down note, and without any resolution. message to directors: read your goddamn scripts carefully: if you are too goddamn high or stupid to notice things like a character using the word 'interesting' five goddamn times in twenty goddamn lines, get a high schooler read it for you.
I have never listened to a script that used the term 'protocol' as many times as this film. They should have called this movie 'Protocol'.
"...We have achieved targeting protocol...'
( 'Scavenge' and 'Scavenger' run close seconds.)
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Louise Linton is pleasant on the eyes, but she is just not enough icing to make this cake edible.
Humanity Baffled
Protasis: It is discovered that a constant low dose of antibiotics fed to cattle caused them to gain weight dramatically.
Apodosis: The resultant meat is fed to humans, who also gain weight dramatically.
Humanity Baffled.
Apodosis: The resultant meat is fed to humans, who also gain weight dramatically.
Humanity Baffled.
Pithy.
"If our dilapidated, ruined code bases can do anything well, they can
teach us viscerally the meaning of the term ‘the tragedy of the
commons’ " ---bryanedds
O.S.I.R : the Buck Stops Here.
People have told me I need to stop using XP.
I was told it was ugly, it was outdated, it wasn't carbon neutral. That Microsoft no longer supported it (irrelevant as I always have kept Automatic Updates turned off anyways), that its interface wasn't touch screen friendly, and that it was just generally dorky and a real buzzkill.
Linux still useful at raising my blood pressure, I thought I would gently upgrade to Windows 7.
8 seemed like a bad choice (backdoors, NSA, etc etc) and I am willing to bet there is something hideous hidden inside Windows 9 ...er I mean Windows 10. Microsoft is going to a lot of effort to get it installed as widely as possible, and I am not interested in finding out what flying monkeys are folded into that box of tricks.
Win7 is irritating enough to finally drive me permanently into Linux's sticky arms, and that is no mean feat, being a hardcore and scarred survivor of win98.
Oh look,a magic area on the screen that causes all my windows to vanish. Very clever. Windows+D still works, too. Try this: Hover over the magic zone, let the desktop appear. Windows+D to get your windows back: they will reappear and then get overridden again! I was hoping this would go on for a while, but the OS immediately sulks and allows the keyboard to control the situation.
I love* the semi-transparent handlebars, especially with porn on the desktop.
I love the way alt+tab switching includes the desktop, but wait! its not just the desktop, it also toggles the desktop's opposite. What would you call that, the ceiling.?
I love the way you can hover over the windows stack on the toolbar and have the little preview panes come up. I also love the way that it will switch the preview you hover over to the top of the stack, but if you don't click it, bury it again the instant you try to do something.
Useful feature that, I could use it for porn at the office I guess.
I love the way I am an Administrator, but when I try to do something like copy a file to C:\, it stops to warn me that I will need to show my administrator credentials, and then goes ahead and allows me to do the action without proving anything. Same thing with accessing other Users folders. Just have to sit and wait while it gains 'Access' to the files, and then allows me to do whatever my little heart pleases. Why the delays and foolishness?
I am given literally 308 different 'Sort-By' options for a folder of images.
Three-Hundred-and-Eight.
If that is not enough, I can also 'Group', 'Sort' and 'Arrange' icons, each with overlapping options.
I can use the option 'Date Modified' with all three, for instance.
Sort -> Date Modified + Ascending gives me the functionality I want, but Arrange by -> Date Modified and Group -> Date Modified do not...but each do slightly different things!
And if I change 'Arrange By', 'Group By' vanishes!
Why anything?
All is madness here.
If I am going to be fucked around by a UI this much, why aren't I using Linux and a windows manager of my choice?
Oh wait, I remember. Because my software tools and UI habits are built around a decade of using WinXP, that is why.
TL;DR...
Now is this is just another screed of Nerd Rage, the whining of some spoilt tech head because the paint color changed on his favorite toy -- or is it? A OS is a tool. The more you use a tool, the more skilled you grow with it. Changing a tool means relearning some skills. What is applicable to handling a wrench is not totally applicable to handling a chisel.
Energy invested in learning how to use a tool is a cost levied against what you want to do with it.
I can format a document using Emacs or Word. Emacs is going to take me a lot longer....I don't have much skill with it. If I need to get some paperwork done right now...
I could complain about a lot of Emacs features, but to be honest, the software is older than I am, and hundreds of thousands of people have invested millions of hours of time in learning how to use it skillfully and effectively. I'm not going to mock that investment, but I am not likely going to learn how to use Emacs. Its a old program, with a huge userbase. Like Photoshop or Autocad, its interface was developed before there was any real standards (Is there any now?), and it's modes and quirks are now just part of it, like a wrench with a familiar handle.
This is good and acceptable, but Windows 7 is not a old piece of software: it is (relatively)brand new. And if adopting it means I have to spend time redeveloping new habits, it is just not that likely I am going to waste that time unless I really have to.
And if I have to make a big break from everything I have learned before...well, sorry, Microsoft, but Linux is mature.
And free.
And mostly seems to be free of Big Brother-itis.
And oh yeah, it happens to have some pretty good window managers that are awfully close to Windows Explorer.
I understand that the UI changes are largely business decisions; the Board wants a uniform UI across the PC - tablet - smartphone spectrum, that touchscreens are superhot this decade, and the user information farming is needed to bring on the Singularity** I can't blame the executive decisions for what may or may not bring in millions of dollars for the company.
It is a cold, business transaction, in a 'money talks' world. So, so is this:
I have used MS DOS 5.00, 6.22, Windows 3.11, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows Me (shudder), Windows XP Home and Pro, and now, finally Windows 7.
Over all, I have expended a fair amount of time in building skills, and I have accomplished a lot on the frameworks these Operating Systems have provided.
But I don't need to keep expending that time, and for a reason I would never have expected, it is time to move on. Switching to Linux will mean a fresh learning curve, which is the same price I will have to pay if I start using Windows 7. With Linux, hopefully I won't have to keep paying the piper, and who knows what new tools I'll pick up along the way?
* For the purpose of this document, 'love' is aliased to 'I really fucking hate this annoying trick'**Probably the Stross CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN kind.
I was told it was ugly, it was outdated, it wasn't carbon neutral. That Microsoft no longer supported it (irrelevant as I always have kept Automatic Updates turned off anyways), that its interface wasn't touch screen friendly, and that it was just generally dorky and a real buzzkill.
Linux still useful at raising my blood pressure, I thought I would gently upgrade to Windows 7.
8 seemed like a bad choice (backdoors, NSA, etc etc) and I am willing to bet there is something hideous hidden inside Windows 9 ...er I mean Windows 10. Microsoft is going to a lot of effort to get it installed as widely as possible, and I am not interested in finding out what flying monkeys are folded into that box of tricks.
Win7 is irritating enough to finally drive me permanently into Linux's sticky arms, and that is no mean feat, being a hardcore and scarred survivor of win98.
I want to open two Explorer windows at once. Punch the Explorer icon a second time.It just gives me the first window again. Huh. try Shift-click.
Oh look, there it is.
Arrange as 'Modified'
Why do I want see the contents of the sub-folders? I didn't ask for this.
Okay, find the zip file manually and open it. Highlight files, click 'Copy'
Oh great, a security warning. Stop holding my hand , Nanny.
Switch to the folder on my phone, Paste.
Wait,no Paste.
Did I close the zip window accidentally first? (Really liked the zip-file integration in WinXP guys, it was great right up to the deferred clipboard X-Windows shit)
Nope, window still open. No paste.
Hmmm.
Try to copy-paste to desktop.
Works fine.
Okay, who thought this was a good UI decision?
Oh look,a magic area on the screen that causes all my windows to vanish. Very clever. Windows+D still works, too. Try this: Hover over the magic zone, let the desktop appear. Windows+D to get your windows back: they will reappear and then get overridden again! I was hoping this would go on for a while, but the OS immediately sulks and allows the keyboard to control the situation.
I love* the semi-transparent handlebars, especially with porn on the desktop.
I love the way alt+tab switching includes the desktop, but wait! its not just the desktop, it also toggles the desktop's opposite. What would you call that, the ceiling.?
I love the way you can hover over the windows stack on the toolbar and have the little preview panes come up. I also love the way that it will switch the preview you hover over to the top of the stack, but if you don't click it, bury it again the instant you try to do something.
Useful feature that, I could use it for porn at the office I guess.
I love the way I am an Administrator, but when I try to do something like copy a file to C:\, it stops to warn me that I will need to show my administrator credentials, and then goes ahead and allows me to do the action without proving anything. Same thing with accessing other Users folders. Just have to sit and wait while it gains 'Access' to the files, and then allows me to do whatever my little heart pleases. Why the delays and foolishness?
I am given literally 308 different 'Sort-By' options for a folder of images.
Three-Hundred-and-Eight.
If that is not enough, I can also 'Group', 'Sort' and 'Arrange' icons, each with overlapping options.
I can use the option 'Date Modified' with all three, for instance.
Sort -> Date Modified + Ascending gives me the functionality I want, but Arrange by -> Date Modified and Group -> Date Modified do not...but each do slightly different things!
And if I change 'Arrange By', 'Group By' vanishes!
Oooh! My windows react to the display edges.
Nope! Its my mouse pointer.
Nope! Its my mouse pointer being released when in contact with the display border! It maximizes my window for me! So useful!
Nope! It only maximizes at the top,it half-sizes on the left or right. Is this some kind of leftover swipe screen bullshit?
Why?
Why anything?
All is madness here.
If I am going to be fucked around by a UI this much, why aren't I using Linux and a windows manager of my choice?
Oh wait, I remember. Because my software tools and UI habits are built around a decade of using WinXP, that is why.
TL;DR...
Now is this is just another screed of Nerd Rage, the whining of some spoilt tech head because the paint color changed on his favorite toy -- or is it? A OS is a tool. The more you use a tool, the more skilled you grow with it. Changing a tool means relearning some skills. What is applicable to handling a wrench is not totally applicable to handling a chisel.
Energy invested in learning how to use a tool is a cost levied against what you want to do with it.
I can format a document using Emacs or Word. Emacs is going to take me a lot longer....I don't have much skill with it. If I need to get some paperwork done right now...
I could complain about a lot of Emacs features, but to be honest, the software is older than I am, and hundreds of thousands of people have invested millions of hours of time in learning how to use it skillfully and effectively. I'm not going to mock that investment, but I am not likely going to learn how to use Emacs. Its a old program, with a huge userbase. Like Photoshop or Autocad, its interface was developed before there was any real standards (Is there any now?), and it's modes and quirks are now just part of it, like a wrench with a familiar handle.
This is good and acceptable, but Windows 7 is not a old piece of software: it is (relatively)brand new. And if adopting it means I have to spend time redeveloping new habits, it is just not that likely I am going to waste that time unless I really have to.
And if I have to make a big break from everything I have learned before...well, sorry, Microsoft, but Linux is mature.
And free.
And mostly seems to be free of Big Brother-itis.
And oh yeah, it happens to have some pretty good window managers that are awfully close to Windows Explorer.
I understand that the UI changes are largely business decisions; the Board wants a uniform UI across the PC - tablet - smartphone spectrum, that touchscreens are superhot this decade, and the user information farming is needed to bring on the Singularity** I can't blame the executive decisions for what may or may not bring in millions of dollars for the company.
It is a cold, business transaction, in a 'money talks' world. So, so is this:
I have used MS DOS 5.00, 6.22, Windows 3.11, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows Me (shudder), Windows XP Home and Pro, and now, finally Windows 7.
Over all, I have expended a fair amount of time in building skills, and I have accomplished a lot on the frameworks these Operating Systems have provided.
But I don't need to keep expending that time, and for a reason I would never have expected, it is time to move on. Switching to Linux will mean a fresh learning curve, which is the same price I will have to pay if I start using Windows 7. With Linux, hopefully I won't have to keep paying the piper, and who knows what new tools I'll pick up along the way?
* For the purpose of this document, 'love' is aliased to 'I really fucking hate this annoying trick'**Probably the Stross CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN kind.
Organization of Disasters
"Our ability to organize does not match the inherent hazards of some of our organized activities"
Charles B. Perrow
"Everyone knows that debugging is twice as hard as writing a program in the first place. So if you're as clever as you can be when you write it, how will you ever debug it?"
Brian Kernighan
Broken Context
I swear this exchange is true.
I have been laughing for two days over this.
"What are you doing?"
"I am just rinsing my mouth so I can take a bath."
I have been laughing for two days over this.
O.S.I.R -- Firefox Bafflement Edition
Ohhhhhkaaaayyyyy....this makes sense:
(Using Firefox 39)
Ctrl+Shift+Q brings up a new tab and loads Youtube.
Ctrl+Shift+W shuts firefox down,
and Ctrl+Shift+G loads the 'Find text in tab" searchbox.
Now how is Ctrl+Shift+G a better combination than Ctrl+F ? (Which also works just fine)
And what is the G a mnemonic for? (It better not be grep, 'nixheads)
So what was wrong with Alt+F4 that needed Ctrl+Shift+W to replace it?
The googles claim that Ctrl+Shift+Q should bring up Foxclock addon Zone Picker, or the Network Monitor, depending on your Kool-Aid taste of the day, I guess.Why Youtube?
....oh and now my URL is right-justified. Why? How? Why would right justification ever be needed in a URL bar?
(Using Firefox 39)
Ctrl+Shift+Q brings up a new tab and loads Youtube.
Ctrl+Shift+W shuts firefox down,
and Ctrl+Shift+G loads the 'Find text in tab" searchbox.
Now how is Ctrl+Shift+G a better combination than Ctrl+F ? (Which also works just fine)
And what is the G a mnemonic for? (It better not be grep, 'nixheads)
So what was wrong with Alt+F4 that needed Ctrl+Shift+W to replace it?
The googles claim that Ctrl+Shift+Q should bring up Foxclock addon Zone Picker, or the Network Monitor, depending on your Kool-Aid taste of the day, I guess.Why Youtube?
....oh and now my URL is right-justified. Why? How? Why would right justification ever be needed in a URL bar?
Security Research
"As a child, it seems completely reasonable to build a spaceship out of bed sheets, firecrackers, and lawn furniture; as you get older, you realize that the S.S. Improbable will not take you to space, but instead a lonely killing field of fire, Child Protective Services, and awkward local news interviews, not necessarily in that order, but with everything showing up eventually.
Security research is the continual process of discovering that your spaceship is a deathtrap."
Security research is the continual process of discovering that your spaceship is a deathtrap."
--James Mickens. (Italics mine)
Ghostly Horde of IRC
This is an idea I came up with a few years ago, but there is no way I am going to have to time to ever implement it. Maybe some one else will run with it...
Back in the Day (Which I am informally defining as the late 1990's) I spent a lot of time on IRC. DALnet was my hangout of choice, and I spent a ridiculous amount of time socializing.
Predictably, I spent time on #science_fiction!
I am by nature a hoarder, and this mania extends to logfiles. Looking through my archives the other day, I found several hundred kilobytes of channel logs for #nightspell and #vampyreinn.
Here was conversations with people long forgotten about, all have whom have aged, matured and changed over the last 15-20 years. Some have even died.
Most of the chatter is just that, chatter. But #Vampyreinn is a little different. It was billed as a freeform roleplay channel...so most everyone in it liked RPG's of one sort or another. In another context and a decade or so later, cosplaying might have been a really popular hit with us...but all we had was 16 shades of colored text, imagination, and download speeds low enough that even transferring the channel master list was a sit-and-wait operation.
/list, anyone?
Enough history. I have thousands of lines of dialogue and interaction as several dozen characters walked in and out of the eponymous bar, quarreled, boasted, lounged and fought with each other. Storys, events, and dramas. Demonic kings lounging on thrones, lone gunslingers brooding in the leather dusters, alien anthropologists hitting on earth girls, a queen of hell restlessly folding her blue wings.
What I would like is a horde of bots, each primed with its script from long ago. Text color set to dark gray, probably, and maybe a leading underscore on the nicks to prevent collisions with the living & active.
Romantically, the ghostly horde should log in at midnight; more practically perhaps to set the conversations to the twenty year anniversary of the original conversation.
They would not engage anyone else, merely act there roles, and then depart the stage again.
The unenlightened would be baffled at the grey ghosts...but those still on DALnet who remember the old lost friends, would be reminded of them.
My ideal prank. Baffles the unenlightened, and romanticly tweaks the hearts of the few, and sadly now, the old.
Of course, the logs would be undated, and on the next anniversary even more ghosts would crowd on the stage, with ghosts responding the ghosts, and younger ghosts trying to provoke reactions threaded through the real users trying to comprehend....and iterated again, and again, a rolling snowball of text, in time a notorious ghost channel rolling around the calender.
Back in the Day (Which I am informally defining as the late 1990's) I spent a lot of time on IRC. DALnet was my hangout of choice, and I spent a ridiculous amount of time socializing.
Predictably, I spent time on #science_fiction!
I am by nature a hoarder, and this mania extends to logfiles. Looking through my archives the other day, I found several hundred kilobytes of channel logs for #nightspell and #vampyreinn.
Here was conversations with people long forgotten about, all have whom have aged, matured and changed over the last 15-20 years. Some have even died.
Most of the chatter is just that, chatter. But #Vampyreinn is a little different. It was billed as a freeform roleplay channel...so most everyone in it liked RPG's of one sort or another. In another context and a decade or so later, cosplaying might have been a really popular hit with us...but all we had was 16 shades of colored text, imagination, and download speeds low enough that even transferring the channel master list was a sit-and-wait operation.
/list, anyone?
Enough history. I have thousands of lines of dialogue and interaction as several dozen characters walked in and out of the eponymous bar, quarreled, boasted, lounged and fought with each other. Storys, events, and dramas. Demonic kings lounging on thrones, lone gunslingers brooding in the leather dusters, alien anthropologists hitting on earth girls, a queen of hell restlessly folding her blue wings.
What I would like is a horde of bots, each primed with its script from long ago. Text color set to dark gray, probably, and maybe a leading underscore on the nicks to prevent collisions with the living & active.
Romantically, the ghostly horde should log in at midnight; more practically perhaps to set the conversations to the twenty year anniversary of the original conversation.
They would not engage anyone else, merely act there roles, and then depart the stage again.
The unenlightened would be baffled at the grey ghosts...but those still on DALnet who remember the old lost friends, would be reminded of them.
My ideal prank. Baffles the unenlightened, and romanticly tweaks the hearts of the few, and sadly now, the old.
Of course, the logs would be undated, and on the next anniversary even more ghosts would crowd on the stage, with ghosts responding the ghosts, and younger ghosts trying to provoke reactions threaded through the real users trying to comprehend....and iterated again, and again, a rolling snowball of text, in time a notorious ghost channel rolling around the calender.
Maslow's Monkey's Mallet
Invention for the day: use bubblewrap labels on cans or bottles of beer. The advantages are manifold:
1. The added insulation keeps the drink cooler longer.
2. The added insulation keeps your hand comfortable.
3. The thing floats way better. If the label is properly shaped, the container will ride with the mouth comfortably out of water,allowing a much better beer-in-my-sensory-deprivation-tank experience.
4. The compulsive amongst use have something better to do than pick labels off of beer bottles; the bubbles are so satisfactory to pop!
5. Dropped containers would suffer less shock; less broken bottles (wasted beer!) and exploding cans.
6. Discarded cans and bottles will float, rather than sink, aiding in recycling recovery!
Although, if the damn cans were built with a designed in aluminum bubble of around 10cc, this could be accomplished without the added step of needing to peel the label away before melting down the cans.
Ultimately, we could put the beer right into the bubbles themselves. Assuming the average swig* of beer to be around 50cc, we could package a swig in a roughly-two-inch wide blister. A four-ish inch wide scarf of this material could hold about 500ml to the foot, but if we reduce the packing fraction, and allow a percentage of bubbles to be empty to provide vacuous** pleasure, we could easily get 250ml to the foot, or 1.5 liters in a six foot scarf. That's a comfortable supply that should meet most swigging requirements. Wrapped around the neck would distribute the weight evenly, and keep your hands free to wave foam fingers, fucus, or filigree as your heart dictated. You would have to carry a small pointy-tipped juice box style straw, but even that could be the avenue of innocent pleasure***.
Improvements are still possible. The air bubbles can be filled with a selection of pretzels and salted peanuts.
The last bubble on the scarf could contain breath mints!
Winos would sport a new oddly hipster look, and redneck porn would develop a new prop.
This is how the Future comes to us. The Divine Madness is merely the technique of carrying ideas where ideas would normally fear to tread.
EDIT:
Found this!
A tip of my hat to you, Diane!
*There are 10 sips to a swig, and six swigs to a quaff. Four quaffs make a draft, and three drafts make a chug.
**You see what I did there?
***Probably banned from hooligan soccer matchs after a while.
1. The added insulation keeps the drink cooler longer.
2. The added insulation keeps your hand comfortable.
3. The thing floats way better. If the label is properly shaped, the container will ride with the mouth comfortably out of water,allowing a much better beer-in-my-sensory-deprivation-tank experience.
4. The compulsive amongst use have something better to do than pick labels off of beer bottles; the bubbles are so satisfactory to pop!
5. Dropped containers would suffer less shock; less broken bottles (wasted beer!) and exploding cans.
6. Discarded cans and bottles will float, rather than sink, aiding in recycling recovery!
Although, if the damn cans were built with a designed in aluminum bubble of around 10cc, this could be accomplished without the added step of needing to peel the label away before melting down the cans.
Ultimately, we could put the beer right into the bubbles themselves. Assuming the average swig* of beer to be around 50cc, we could package a swig in a roughly-two-inch wide blister. A four-ish inch wide scarf of this material could hold about 500ml to the foot, but if we reduce the packing fraction, and allow a percentage of bubbles to be empty to provide vacuous** pleasure, we could easily get 250ml to the foot, or 1.5 liters in a six foot scarf. That's a comfortable supply that should meet most swigging requirements. Wrapped around the neck would distribute the weight evenly, and keep your hands free to wave foam fingers, fucus, or filigree as your heart dictated. You would have to carry a small pointy-tipped juice box style straw, but even that could be the avenue of innocent pleasure***.
The BubbleBeerScarf!
Improvements are still possible. The air bubbles can be filled with a selection of pretzels and salted peanuts.
The last bubble on the scarf could contain breath mints!
Winos would sport a new oddly hipster look, and redneck porn would develop a new prop.
This is how the Future comes to us. The Divine Madness is merely the technique of carrying ideas where ideas would normally fear to tread.
EDIT:
Found this!
A tip of my hat to you, Diane!
*There are 10 sips to a swig, and six swigs to a quaff. Four quaffs make a draft, and three drafts make a chug.
**You see what I did there?
***Probably banned from hooligan soccer matchs after a while.
The deformed Elephant God of Val Yu Village
Ia! Ia! Cthulu fthagn!
Note the fleshy sucker like mouth at the end of the tentacle like snout; the ribby swept back 'ears', the reddish baleful eyes. The ringed lichen-like spots and the shiny black hooves complete the unearthly appearance of this strange small, crudely ( could we say devolved?) sculpture...
One of the great treats of junk shops is old books, and one of the greatest pleasures of old books is references to even older books.
I found a copy of Willy Leys book on cryptobiology - printed before the term even became fashionable, or possibly even coined.
Flipping it open, I immediately found the following footnote:
"'Another one, hardly known to naturalists, is described in an interesting book which privately printed in 1858. Its author was one Dr. L. Lewysohn, who called himself "Preacher of the Isrealitic Congregation of Worms." The title of the book is Zoologie des Talmuds (Zoology of the Talmud)..."
My practical side assumes them mean the city Worms, but its a pretty marvellous title to a English speaker.
'Prediger der israelitischen Gemeinde von Worms'?
Amazon claims I can buy a copy, but Amazon claims that of all apocrypha, and I haven't 85 pounds to spare in testing the theory.
I also found a copy of ' The Frozen Stream, An Account Of The Formation And Properties Of Ice' by Charles Tomlinson, published by the Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge. It has some fascinating anecdotes concerning fabulous cold:
'In St Petersburg...Every one is very uneasy about his nose and ears which are very apt to get frozen; and as the sufferer is not aware of his danger by any previous uncomfortable sensation, the first person in the street who observes a nose putting on the appearance of white marble, exclaims "Sir! sir! Your nose! Your nose!" and taking up a handful of snow, applies it to the strangers face and endeavors , by briskly rubbing, to restore the circulation. these are salutations which people of accustomed to in such climates, and by which thousands of these valued organs are saved from the clutches of the frost.' (emphasis mine.)
"The bodies of whales have been found embedded in icebergs..."
Bizarrely, the chapters on refrigeration and ice making are practical and accurate, as well as his adventures on the Saint John River during the Canadian winter. Its the mundane chapters that make the seasoning of madness more piquant: in what mind could the salutation of "Сэр! сэр! Ваш нос! Ваш нос!" followed by a face full of snow seem reasonable?
As always, my reason staggers.
Its all about the Whine
For practical reasons, I brew wines and beer.
A year ago, the chance congruence of a fifty pound bag of undesired squash, and a empty fermentor led me to try brewing a squash wine. This seemed like a reasonable idea; I checked around for recipes. I don't mind winging a recipe, but its always instructive to learn from others mistakes.
Oddly, the various books I have on wine-making did not have any squash wine recipes. These books have publication dates from 1899 to 2012, and include that ferment things from cherry pie filling to crushed chickens, so I was a little surprised by the omission.
The Internet wasn't much more informative. The New Zealanders had tried it, but as near as I can tell, the fermentation enthusiasts in New Zealand have tried everything.
'Marrow Squash makes an insipid wine that is improved considerably by adding an ounce of grated ginger root; Zucchini Squash makes a very poor wine; Hubbard Squash makes a wine very similar to Pumpkin', Jack Keller remarks.
Hmmm thought I. Intriguing.
Most of the recipes I could find were heavy on spices and raisins; a trick I always felt really gave you a spiced raisin wine with whatever random additive-of-the-day.
Guided by this snotty sense of purism, I brewed
Fermentation was swift to start - within two hours the gas cap was jumping, and everything seemed well.
After 20 days I transferred it off the pulp, and measured it at 900 S.G.
It had a strange taste. an initial sharp bite that faded instantly, followed by a faint flat , almost burnt metal aftertaste, difficult to discern, but equally difficult to ignore.
Age. I decided. This wine is young and unfriendly. Age will temper it.
A year has passed, and the temper has gotten worse. It has the brownish-gold shade of beer; the taste of dry white wine, and an aftertaste that is persistent and un-ignorable.
One of my taste testers, who will largely drink anything, including various 'prison hooch' style concoctions was perfectly willing to pour his sample down the sink rather than finish it. I am not certain what went wrong here; perhaps baking the squash first rather than fermenting it raw?
Maybe a decade in the cellar will improve this...I will be interested to find out. Perhaps I shall do up some fancy labels, and use the bottles as handout gifts for people I don't really like.
A year ago, the chance congruence of a fifty pound bag of undesired squash, and a empty fermentor led me to try brewing a squash wine. This seemed like a reasonable idea; I checked around for recipes. I don't mind winging a recipe, but its always instructive to learn from others mistakes.
Oddly, the various books I have on wine-making did not have any squash wine recipes. These books have publication dates from 1899 to 2012, and include that ferment things from cherry pie filling to crushed chickens, so I was a little surprised by the omission.
The Internet wasn't much more informative. The New Zealanders had tried it, but as near as I can tell, the fermentation enthusiasts in New Zealand have tried everything.
'Marrow Squash makes an insipid wine that is improved considerably by adding an ounce of grated ginger root; Zucchini Squash makes a very poor wine; Hubbard Squash makes a wine very similar to Pumpkin', Jack Keller remarks.
Hmmm thought I. Intriguing.
Most of the recipes I could find were heavy on spices and raisins; a trick I always felt really gave you a spiced raisin wine with whatever random additive-of-the-day.
Guided by this snotty sense of purism, I brewed
14 cups baked (then peeled and mashed) Green Queen Table Squash
3 kgs brilliant yellow sugar (which brought my S.G. to 1072)
Acid blend and diammonium phosphate in case my tiny yeasties lacked pep
and water sufficient to make 16 litres of brew.
Fermentation was swift to start - within two hours the gas cap was jumping, and everything seemed well.
After 20 days I transferred it off the pulp, and measured it at 900 S.G.
It had a strange taste. an initial sharp bite that faded instantly, followed by a faint flat , almost burnt metal aftertaste, difficult to discern, but equally difficult to ignore.
Age. I decided. This wine is young and unfriendly. Age will temper it.
A year has passed, and the temper has gotten worse. It has the brownish-gold shade of beer; the taste of dry white wine, and an aftertaste that is persistent and un-ignorable.
One of my taste testers, who will largely drink anything, including various 'prison hooch' style concoctions was perfectly willing to pour his sample down the sink rather than finish it. I am not certain what went wrong here; perhaps baking the squash first rather than fermenting it raw?
Maybe a decade in the cellar will improve this...I will be interested to find out. Perhaps I shall do up some fancy labels, and use the bottles as handout gifts for people I don't really like.
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