"...I'm dying with sleep"

Count Dracula's Great Love(1973) "El gran amor del conde Drácula"

"And believe me, I can assure you..." ...That this movie would make more sense if watched backwards. It certainly could not make less.

Seeing as the copy I watched had been converted from 1.85 : 1 aspect ratio by clipping the sides, 'JANUS FILMS' became 'ANUS FILMS' which was the first warning sign that I had once again been slipped the red and blue pill at once, and madness was to be my evenings companion.*

Emory Exposition and his traveling companions (The Southern Belle, the Sexy Governess, Strawberry and Blueberry Shortcake**)
Suffer an vanishing stagecoach wheel while traveling through the Dread Gorgo Pass on route to the abandoned sanatorium built at Count Dracula's Lair.

I am prepared to award bonus points for the actress flexing her nostrils during the blood sucking vampire/lesbian interlude, but I'll have to take the points away again for the idiotic whipping scene, and the on-again-off-again approach to nudity that only makes sense when you realize they shot the film so that all the titty clips could be pulled out and the movie would still work.
Well, they failed. Censored or not censored, this was one of those movies where you sink into a dull lassitude while watching, vaguely irritated that you can't make sense of any part of what you are watching, nipples or no.

The movie might have been better if it had had a guidebook, explaining what the hell was actually the point.
"Because the power of the unknown goes beyond death..." I hate to think this is so, because that means I'm never going to get any kind of understanding of this movie.
 Its not like Troll  2 where the filmmakers had no idea what they are doing,its more like Javier Aguirre was possessed by Philip K Dick, and  set out to frustrate understanding at every turn.

Giving  the illusion of explication by overdubbing monologue at random points was clever, and actually left me more confused than if I'd just watched the movie with the sound turned off.
Typical echo-chamber pronouncement:  
"The blood of the girl that loved the prince of darkness, and the blood of the virgin that has been tortured will be mixed together, thereby creating a new physical body for his daughter..."

Why do the vampire trio rise with gaping mouths to greet the light? Are they hungry baby birds?
I like the idea of Dracula surrounding his castle with beartraps to snare fresh prey, but wouldn't the peasants clue in on this eventually?
Being  vampiric seems to mean walking around slowly with your mouth open and never blinking:
I was waiting for 'Wendell' or anyone, really, to say 'Blah'.
Why does Dracula/Wendell talk in the third person? Why does he talk all?

The madness extends to the Wikipedia entry!
The plot description includes this gem:

'...Then he seduces all of the girls but Karen. And he then turns them and then chains them in his dungeon. And he makes them die by making be in the sun. then he goes and seduces Karen and then he knows he has finally found love. He the tells Karen that he loves her and he can`t let her be what he is. So he stakes himself and before he dies he says "Karen".'

I'm sorry, Wikipedia contributor, that is actually too coherent to be accurate. I'm also intrigued by your phrase '...by making be in the sun.'

All in all, this one is a treasure of madness, and one I will watch again.



*With movies like these, who needs drugs?

** The characters,not the confections (And yes, I know there is no Blueberry Shortcake character, but there should be, the same way there should be a Castle Grayskull Polly Pocket Edition.)